OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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