I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
