My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
