I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
