he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just google imaged poop.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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