A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
