He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
