Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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