Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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