Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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