from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
