guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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