he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
