So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
