Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
