so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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