i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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