i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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