her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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