I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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