I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
