We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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