I wannas sexs uuuuu
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
