I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
