Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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