CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
