Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
