Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
