the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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