lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
