I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
