he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
