I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
