meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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