I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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