good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
