LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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