Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
