There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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