Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
