i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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