Your face is a jimmy john
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
