How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
