I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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