mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
