i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
