Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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