Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
