So drunk its hurt
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
