Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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