I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
