8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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