He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
