you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
