I haven't been this sober since birth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
