We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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