Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
