so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
